A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
