im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize