I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
