just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
false alarm. still invincible.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
