Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
