please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
