spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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