Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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