GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He? As in you personified your dick?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
