Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
