Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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