I will die if light touches me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
