if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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