Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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