I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
