I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
