No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
