He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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