the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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