I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
