Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
