We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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