6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
