So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
