Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
