walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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