thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
