All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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