the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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