yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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