No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
