I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ugly people sure do ruin things
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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