As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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