I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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