U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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