Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize