yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
