Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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