can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
