So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
