I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
