my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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