We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
