Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
