I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
