Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
