call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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