I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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