Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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