you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
