so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
