Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
