I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize