On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
