God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
