He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
