He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
