Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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