im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
