Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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