she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
