I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize