there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
