I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
