Sponge bath it is.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
