I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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