I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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