Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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