We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize