I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
