I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
