After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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