i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
