I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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