It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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