He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
