If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
