Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
